Why the fuck did the sprinklers just come on in the complex? I mean seriously, we have had a torrential downpour for the past two hours. Don’t sprinklers have like a sensory system or are we only half worried about our precious water being wasted? If sprinklers systems don’t have sensors in them to detect the level of water in the ground then someone needs to invent those. I will not be doing it and nor do I give two shits about patenting the idea, though perhaps I should. Maybe I should run the idea past my older brother and let him determine whether or not he wants to patent it and then invest in someone designing it. Sounds like a damn money maker to me. MJIG, what do you think?
Not the point however.
I threw my year away. It was a horrible idea. I love sex and my sexuality is very much apart of who I am. It has been for a very long time. Blame society, my family or the friends I grew up with. Hell, if it makes you happy, blame the Bush family, I don’t care. What I do care about is how I have been letting RELATIONSHIP BOOKS make me feel bad about who I am!!!! WTF? No, I am not kidding. I am so sick of being told to be myself and be something different than me, or to scale myself down all in ONE book. Talk about confusing, I mean who am I supposed to be. I’ve decided to be me. Yeah, I’m still single, but I am having fun. And I have been able to spend more time with my girlfriends and if you have met those crazy ladies… then you know my world is spinning and full of fun. Love those ladies.
Jogging around my world is men, several men actually. All of them different, all of them amazing in their own way and ones that I probably won’t marry. I’ve just gotten logical about it, at least I think I have. I need to be me, I love me. I rock and am amazing. I’ve spent countless minutes, turning into countless hours, days, weeks and possibly years, wondering why no one appreciates me for me. News flash: If you aren’t being yourself, who is going to appreciate the fabulous you? Logic.
I’m not going to sit here and toot my own horn. I am fucking rad and I know this. Yes, there are times where I could be kinder, or draw the line more gently, I could be less vulgar (my mom would love that), or I could even go easier on people when they screw up, but who doesn’t have room for improvement?
I’ve wondered lately what is my issue with being alone and I don’t have an answer. Really, I don’t think it is an issue either, because I see my friends that are in happy relationships and I am so happy for them. The ones getting married and having children, I can hardly wait to see their adventures. They are so blessed and I am blessed to share that world with them. The thing about me is I just feel ready, I feel ready to be me, consistently and to merge with someone else. I’m fabulous, but I want to share my fabulousness with someone else equally amazing that inspires me to see the world even more clearly. I just want that love, that amazing, accepting love. I feel it everywhere I go, but I want that one person to share it with. Am I making sense? Maybe not, maybe I am making so much sense you are feeling that love and warm growing feeling in your heart, but also that twinge deep in your gut.
By the way, for those of you remember, Mr Green Eyes has been allowed to reappear. 
Possibly stay tuned for some serious and honest fun. Who knows what I “blog” about next. hahaha.
Let’s leave it at this, I want to be consumed in the fire and you can lay lilies at my ashes.
Love, peace, hold the chicken grease.
