Booty Call Agreement

 
This agreement was found online, but was poorly written. There were several incorrect spellings, grammar, punctuation and extremely
vulgar. I decided to rewrite it and as such probably changed at least 40 percent of the agreement and I am proud to say that this
agreement is now mine. Happy reading. 

This pre-booty call agreement (here in after referred to as the "Agreement") is entered
into on the _____________ day of ___________, 20____
by______________________________ and ________________________________.

THIS AGREEMENT SHALL COVER THE FOLLOWING RULE AND
PRINCIPALS:

1. No sleeping over. Unless it is very good and we need to repeat it in the
morning.

2. No meeting in public except for dinner or drinks before the events of the
evening.

3. No calls before 9:00 PM. We don't have anything to talk about.

4. None of that "love-making" shit. Only SEX allowed.

5. No emotional discussions. (I.e. Where are we heading with this? Do you love
me?) The answer is no, so don't ask.

6. No plans made in advance, that is why you are called "the backup". Unless
you are from out of town, then it's a one-time advanced arrangement.

7. All gifts are accepted, money is always good, alcohol is even better.

8. No "baby" or "honey" talks. However, dirty talk is encouraged. Additionally,
very dirty talk is acceptable, as long as you do not sound ignorant.

9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers. For those 60 minutes that you're
in, you are all that matters at that moment.

10. No calling each other "friends with privileges" or "friends with benefits". We
are not friends, just sex buddies.

11. Calling out the wrong name during sex is okay, don't be offended. I won't.

12. No extra clothing. I don't want you leaving anything behind when you leave.

13. No falling asleep right after sex. It's over, so get your ass up, get dressed and
go the fuck home.

14. Don't be offended if I don't ask if you enjoyed it, I don't care.

15. Don't ask me if I know who my daddy is. I already know it isn’t you. Further
more, if I knew who my daddy is, the probability of this booty call would be
greatly reduced as I would have less daddy issues. (This section invalid in the
Bible Belt states only, i.e. West Virginia, Virginia, Kentucky, Tennessee, North
and South Carolina, Missouri, Arkansas, Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas, Mississippi,
Louisiana, Alabama, Georgia, North Florida and parts of Central Florida
(excluding the cities Tampa, St. Petersburg, Clearwater and Orlando.)

16. Don't ask me whose pussy this is because that is a self explanatory question.
It's attached to its rightful owner.

17. Don't ask me why I got a Christmas tree tattoo on one side of my punany and
a turkey on the other. Everyone knows that the best eating happens between
Thanksgiving & Christmas.

18. You cannot borrow my car for any reason.

19. You can not hold money for any reason, especially if I am Jewish.

20. If anyone asks who I am, the standard response will be: "I don't know. I
thought she looked familiar too".

21. Doggie style is the preferred position. The less the eye contact we have the
better. If you can follow the second part of this section, then we can open up the
Kama Sutra and try other positions as well.

22. No kissing on the lips. If you toss my salad on the first date, who knows what
else you do.

23. No condoms, no bitching. You can leave.

24. Bring your own drink, I am not your liquor store and you better not come over
too drunk to get it up or to last long enough to get me off.

25. No you cannot use my phone. I don't want anyone calling back looking for
you.

EXTRA TIP FOR SUCCESSFUL BOOTY CALLS
The aforementioned rules may only be altered by the holder of the agreement.
If the other party attempts to change or alter any terms of the agreement, it will
automatically become null and void. And you will then be removed from the
BOOTY CALL LIST and deleted from phone memory, e-mail list, facebook,
myspace, twitter, foursquare, google plus and any other social networking site we
both have. In other words, you will be BLOCKED from all communications and
sexual positions until your silly ass understands the rules.

Participating Party 1
Signature: ______________________
Date: ____________________

Participating Party 2
Signature: ____________________
Date: ________________________