The wooden floors, floor to ceiling mirrors covering the walls, the music blaring, bass thumping all aiding and inspiring the movement that comes from within, is the safest I have ever felt. Maybe when I was younger I could not articulate it, but I can now, dance is the only thing that has ever made me feel safe.
When I was younger, I knew my dance classes were guaranteed to be fun and I enjoyed them greatly. I loved my dance clothes and shoes, pulling my hair back, listening to all different types of music and learning various things to do with my body. As I grew older I spent as much time as I could at various studios, learning, teaching and preparing to perform. I danced in solos, duets, trios and group dances, in ballet, lyrical, modern, hip hop, folk dancing and so on. As a freshman in college I majored in dance. I did not hesitate when the admissions advisor asked my major- it was dance.
Now dance was not very practical. Despite my formal training, at 19 my technique was lacking. I was not shaped to be a ballerina and I am probably not coordinated enough to do intense hip hop, still without hesitation I picked dance.
This month I turn 27 years old and it was just moments ago, that I understood my need for dance. This past week, I have been taking pole dance classes at Sexy Assets Fitness and while I am hosting to some insecurities about how much strength I have lost and how out of shape I am, it occurred to me in class Friday night that nothing was bothering me. The stress of a part time, minimum wage job being my only source of income, the stress of moving, the worries of is my relationship too rushed, the concerns of why my boyfriend does or doesn’t do something were all missing. My heart was completely joyous, my body was being worked and I was happy.
Even now as I am writing this, I am sitting on my bed, with a heavy heart, my mind racing in circles and my eyes watery. Something about dancing removes my sadness, it keeps me safe. It is by far the safest I have ever felt. I yearn for that safety in everything I do, but it is not there. I do not know how to recreate that safe feeling without being in a studio or on a stage, getting my groove on.
All I know- it matters.
Love, peace, hold the chicken grease.
Lady Glo
