Today a friend said to me, ‘you care about other people’s opinions too much.’ Funnily enough this has been occurring to me more and more lately. While I generally do not care if a person thinks I am stupid, attractive, funny, etc.- I do care what my family thinks, a bit more than I should perhaps.
While I do, do some things specifically for attention from them (vulgarity), other things (masturbation research project, sex counseling, etc.) I do and am perfectly serious about. Yet, my family’s way of life has affected me greatly in my short 24 years. My brother’s negativity about my appearance, certain aunts and uncles never appearing to give a damn about what I was doing as long as it didn’t embarrass them and so on are all things that I have allowed to hinder me for far to long.
I come from a very interesting home, yet it is supportive and while I try to respect my parents and siblings, I find that each day they are more accepting of the mold I have created for myself. Which I appreciate specifically because I was terrified that they wouldn’t just let me be me. My dad has yet to kill me over the tattoo and nose piercing, my mom thinks I am top notch, my brother loves me and can see past my weight and my sister, well she is cream of the crop. Yeah, we still argue and bicker, but really I love to visit with her. So with that being how it is now, why should I worry with what my aunts and uncles think? Well, truth be told I am less inclined to care. This is my life. I only get this lifetime for this life and I want it be happy. I don’t want to be over worked and under paid, nor do I want to not be appreciated for what I am doing. I was thinking that being a forensic psychologist would be cool, and it would be, but it would be extremely stressful and potentially dangerous as well. With that in mind I decided that even if I get accepted to the UCF Clinical program I will most likely be declining admittance. Instead I will be in the Marriage and Family Therapy program, here in Orlando, which I hope to lead to becoming a PhD in Sexual Counseling. What distresses me is that many of my relatives may be embarrassed by this. I hate that I am considered an embarrassment to the family name time and time again, and that I will yet again be another embarrassment, but my question is this- I totally disagree with many of the things many of you say and do, yet I always find myself proud to apart of the family, why can’t you return the same courtesy? I know I am not that bad. 
All of that being said, I hope I have an active imagination and have imagined all the “embarrassment” that I have caused through the years, but I have to live my life for me. It is MY life.
Lots of love.
~Becki, Lizzie, Glo, etc.
